I am fooling only myself when I say my mother exists now only in the photograph on my bulletin board or in the outline of my hand or in the armful of memories I still hold tight. She lives on in everything I do. Her presence influenced who I was, and her absence influences who I am. Our lives are shaped as much by those who leave us as they are by those who stay. Loss is our legacy. Insight is our gift. Memory is our guide.- Hope Edelman
Six years ago today, February 11th was a Saturday just like today. But that cold, snowy day changed February 11th for me for the rest of my life. It will always be to me the day that I lost my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, also known as my mom.
That morning we woke to a fresh, thick blanket of snow. It was a rather quiet day around the house. We knew mom's time was nearing the end. We spent the day inside watching movies and cuddled up. We had been instructed by hospice not to talk to her so she could make a peaceful transition. So we would take turns just sitting in there with her....reading, resting, reflecting...praying.
We got up that morning...Lindsey and Jen had spent the night with us. Darrell and Jen went and got stuff and we all made breakfast that morning. Aunt Lynn left to go get Paul so he would be here when the time came. We spent the day watching movies and waiting.
Around 6, maybe a little before, I stuck my head in to check on her and she had started the breathing. I called for Jen, because she was a nurse, and from there the few of us that were there gathered around the bed and just watched....within 45 min she passed on from this life. Free from pain. She spent a year fighting the awful C word. I know she was ready to go and was at peace with it. She tried to help us all be at peace with it too.
Of course I think about her everyday. I still want to call her and tell her when something happens. I wonder to myself on proabably a daily basis "I wonder what mom would tell me to do?"
But February 11th will forever be etched in my mind as will the events of the week to follow. February 11th, 2006 is one day that changed my life forever.
